you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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