My hair reeks of homosexuality.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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