she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
