It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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