He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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