ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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