Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
