Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
