You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
