What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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