There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize