How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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