Nicole vs. Life
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
