please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
this just has baby written all over it
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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