I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
