My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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