I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize