My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize