If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
