After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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