Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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