i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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