I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
