In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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