I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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