Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize