the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
