He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
