Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Someone stole a lamp last night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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