i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
