ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize