just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
