apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
