He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
