ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
