i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
