somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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