Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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