you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
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