im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize