I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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