i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
