He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You pole danced in your parka.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
