I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize