I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
