forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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