i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize