I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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