I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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