Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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