Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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