We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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