Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
