ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
