there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
