His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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