On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
