the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Please, let me fuck your mom
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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