It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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