You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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