I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
