She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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