I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
