What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
