I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
