member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
