I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
