What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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