And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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