I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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