Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize