I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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