And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize