He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
