rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
