Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
