You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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