Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
