Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize