both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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