I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
