my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize