I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
