Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
