ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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