Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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