so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
50% drunk capacity currently
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
