Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
