Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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