Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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