my mouth tastes like poor choices
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
